As professional, private investigators who specialize in infidelity investigations, we get this question a lot. We get it from family members and friends who want free advice on how to run their own investigation. We also get it from (non)-clients who contact us hoping to elicit some of the “tricks of the trade” that we utilize to catch cheaters. But we can no more turn you into a qualified private investigator in a five-minute phone call (or a Quora posting) than your cousin, the hair stylist, can teach you to cut hair over the phone. Our advice to these people: hire our agency. Our advice to people who don’t want to hire our agency: use another licensed investigator. In other words, don’t make a bad situation worse by going all Nancy Drew. Instead, let a professional do the heavy lifting. There are things he can do (like surveillance) much more efficiently than you can do your own. There are other things he can do (like digital forensics) that you can’t do on your own at all.
Here are the steps you should take:
- For the short term, act like everything’s fine (or at least, tolerable) in your relationship
- Do not do any snooping that even MIGHT get you caught (this includes almost everything that you saw on TV or read on the Internet that you could be tempted to try on your own)
- Hire a good private investigator
- Let the P.I. do his thing
- Use caution in your communications with your investigator, e.g., change your e-mail password (there’s a good chance the cheater is snooping on you)
- Be very selective about any other people you inform regarding the investigation. The ideal number is zero (your best friend or sister probably sucks at keeping a secret)
- Feed your investigator any useful, new “intel” that comes your way during the course of the investigation but do not tip off the cheater by being too inquisitive
- Be careful not to hamper your P.I.’s future investigation by revealing tidbits of his past reporting to the cheater, “So, I hear your ‘business meeting’ last night took place at a strip club!”
In short, the very best way for YOU to investigate a cheating spouse is for YOU to get a professional on your side. Anyone who tries to go it alone runs about an 80% chance of getting caught in the act and about a 90% chance of ending up with incorrect and/or insufficient results.
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